Harry Potter, Unexpected Animagus
by DWDuck
Summary: With the love of a good woman, Harry becomes more confident and learns to handle the embarrassment that comes from being a teenage boy as well as an unexpected animagus. Set during the Tri-Wizard Tournament. Severe Ron bashing ahead.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Harry Potter, Unexpected Animagus

Author: DWDuck (Patrick Mallard)

Rating: M for crude language, even cruder humour, and sexual situations.

Summary: With the love of a good woman, Harry becomes more confident and learns to handle the embarrassment that comes from being a teenage boy as well as an unexpected animagus. Set during the Tri-Wizard Tournament. Severe Ron bashing ahead.

Pairings: Harmony

Disclaimer: I am not now, nor have I ever been J K Rowling. Ms. Rowling, Scholastic Books, and Warner Brothers Movies own the rights to Harry Potter. I'm just borrowing their stuff without permission and not making any money from this story.

Author Notes: Many of you are wondering why I'm starting yet another story. The answer is quite simple – I can't get this bloody idea out of my head. Thinking of some of the scenes I've come up with for this story has left me chuckling to myself and my kids are starting to give me strange looks.

This story is quite AU. The main characters will be slightly OOC due to this being an adult comedy. Luna becomes friends with Harry and Hermione earlier than in cannon. Also, the dragons from the first task have been switched around (except for the Hungarian Horntail.)

Formatting notes:

Thoughts – [_italics_]

Parseltongue - .:**_bold italics_**:.

Wizard Wireless Broadcasts – **bold**

******Unexpected Animagus******

Hermione Granger watched her best friend, Harry Potter, pace back and forth in the large tent the Tri-Wizard champions were waiting in prior to the first task. She was watching him with a new appreciation after she had a talk with his godfather, Sirius Black, the night before. The old Marauder had been in one of his few responsible adult moods and had taken Hermione aside at the Shrieking Shack to talk about Harry. Sirius had shared his observations about Harry and how he was certain that Pronglets was madly in love with Hermione, but was just too chicken to tell her. She had walked back to the castle in a daze, a smile plastered on her face as she realized she felt the same way about the messy haired boy who had been her first and truest friend since their first year.

It was with those thoughts in mind that Hermione watched Harry walking back and forth in the tent, running his hands nervously through his already wild hair. She loved how he looked in his modified Quidditch uniform. His Tri-Wizard uniform was black with dark red panels showing off his Gryffindor pride. The name "Potter" was spelled out in white letters on his back. The fact that the new uniform was form fitting showed off his wiry body in ways that had the bushy haired girl thinking rather delicious, if somewhat – who was she kidding – really naughty thoughts.

The other Champions were dressed similarly with their names in white on the back of their uniforms. Cedric Diggory was the official Hogwarts Champion and was wearing a black uniform with yellow panels representing the Hufflepuff House. Fleur Delacour's uniform was black with blue panels the same color as the dresses the Beauxbatons girls wore the day they were introduced in the Hogwarts' Great Hall. For his part, Victor Krum was wearing an all black uniform.

When Hermione saw Ludo Bagman and Barty Crouch, Sr. enter the tent, she got up and stood in front of Harry, blocking his path. She held out her hand and put it on his chest, stopping him. "I have to leave soon," she told him.

"Where are you going?" Harry asked. He was secretly wishing she would be able to stay with him until it was his turn to face a dragon.

Hermione looked a little embarrassed. "Well, you know how I become a nervous wreck while waiting for important things, right?" she inquired. Harry nodded, a small smirk on his lips as he thought back to just about every test they had ever taken. "_Snuffles_ decided I needed to help out him and the twins in a rather large prank to keep my mind off of things," she told him. "Once he explained how the prank was against the Ministry and State controlled media, I jumped at the chance," she whispered.

Harry nodded in understanding. He knew that Hermione valued knowledge almost above all else. The only thing she held in higher regard was their friendship. When she had realized the Daily Prophet, under Ministry orders, had been giving out false knowledge on purpose, Hermione had gone into an hour long rant.

"What are you guys planning?" Harry asked, always glad to watch a prank against those who truly deserved it.

Hermione glanced over at the Ministry officials who were doing something with a large, velvet bag. "I can't say here," she replied. "What I will do is promise to make a copy for you," she stated cryptically.

Hermione paused for a moment while she built up her courage to do something she had always dreamed about doing, but only recently really considered after her talk with Sirius. She placed one hand on either side of Harry's face and drew him in for a brief, chaste kiss on the lips. When their lips parted and she leaned back, she looked into his startling green eyes. She saw an equal measure of pure shock and happiness reflected in his emerald eyes. "I don't care if you take last place in this stupid tournament. All I want to see is you coming back to me, Harry," she ordered. Hermione turned around quickly and left the tent.

Harry was standing still, his right hand touching his mouth where Hermione's lips had been just a moment before. Eventually, Bagman's voice broke through his happy fog. It was obvious Bagman had been calling his name for a while. "Mr. Potter… Potter… will you please come over here so we can have the Champions draw for their dragons!"

******Unexpected Animagus******

Hermione took her seat in a special booth that had been set aside for the Black family. Each member of the Wizangamot had been assigned a luxury booth complete with a widescreen omniocular converter. Sirius had arranged for Hermione, the Weasley twins, Remus Lupin, and a certain large, black dog to use the Black family booth. Unlike a regular luxury booth, this booth was set up with magical equipment to broadcast a pirate Wizard Wireless channel. The twins nodded to Hermione while she fine-tuned the omniocular converter and put on a headset that looked like it would have been more appropriate on a WWII pilot. Hermione used the omnioculars to scan the crowd as was glad to see that many of them had brought portable Wizard Wireless boxes to hear the commentary. She had asked Doby to pass out flyers to all of the houses letting them know which channel to tune into to hear a real commentary, not the scripted stuff the Ministry approved.

Remus Lupin tapped his wand on the magical broadcast equipment and then held up his hand, fingers spread out. After one second, he would fold in a finger in let them know how soon they would go live. At zero seconds, he pointed to Fred with a grin on his face.

**"Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the inaugural broadcast of the PPBC. That's the Padfoot Pirate Broadcasting Chanel in case anyone is wondering. I'm George Weasley…" **Fred said, continuing their practice of confusing people as to which twin was Fred and which one was George.

"**…And I'm Fred Weasley,"** George chimed in. "**With us today in the control booth is none other than the wickedly smart Hermione Granger to help us out with the technical points of today's task of the Tri-Wizard Tournament," **he added. "**Now, before we go any further, we have a word from our sponsor, Marauders Inc," **he stated.

Fred shook a piece of parchment in front of his headset like he was getting ready to read something. "**Snivellous Snape is a greasy haired, bum burglar. That is all," **he said. The large black dog behind him snorted in amusement.

"**We would like to take this opportunity to point out that neither us, the PPBC, nor the Marauders have anything against blokes who like the company of other blokes," **George said.

"**That's right,"** Fred agreed. "**In fact, we're more than 90 percent certain that one of our brothers is in fact bent," **he stated cheerfully.

Hermione was surprised to hear that. "**Really, which one?!"** she blurted out, not realizing her headset was on.

Fred smiled, glad Hermione set him up with that straight line. "**The redheaded one of course,"** he replied. He chuckled along with his twin as Hermione rolled her eyes. His answer hadn't narrowed down things at all considering all of the Weasley children had red hair.

George took over again. "**No,** **we have nothing against bent blokes. We just really don't like Snape and feel sorry for lumping anyone else in with him," **he apologized.

Fred took over control of the omnioculars and zoomed in on their brother Ronald. "**Speaking of backstabbing pillow biters, I see our brother Ron is in the stands today. It looks like he's still wearing his 'Potter Stinks' badge,"** he groused. "**That berk wouldn't know a thing about either friendship or loyalty even if it was spelled out for him in a Babbity Rabbity book for beginner readers," **he complained.

Fred was stopped from going on with a list of their youngest brother's shortcomings by a set of huge double doors on one side of the arena opening. Several dragon handlers levitated a sleeping dragon into the middle of the arena floor, complete with her nest. The dragon had a large, iron collar with four long chains hanging off it. The handlers magically bonded the free ends of the chains to the arena floor and then hurried back to the double doors which had started to close. The last handler paused briefly to throw a potion bottle at the sleeping dragon. The glass bottle broke, and purple fumes swirled around the dragon's nose. The horrible stench of the potion, which smelled remarkably like Snape's favorite cologne, woke up the heavily sedated dragon.

George swallowed loudly when he realized how much danger the Ministry was willing to put the Champions in just for sport. "**Um… Hermione… I know that the thing down there is a dragon, but I was wondering if you could tell us what type,"** he requested.

Hermione flipped through a book in front of her and matched up the physical characteristics with the descriptions in the index. Considering the dragon was red, had a long serpent like body withy spindly legs, and was belching out flames in a mushroom like cloud, she easily identified the dragon. "**According to 'Scalesniffer's Definitive Goblin Guide to Dragons', that monster down there is a Chinese Fireball,"** she replied.

**"Scalesniffer…?" **Fred choked out.

Hermione had read the introduction to the book and shuddered. "**You don't want to know, trust me,"** she said. Noticing the still very curious looks the twins were giving her, Hermione sighed. "**Let's just say that Goblins have rather unusual fetishes,"** she stated. "**I'm fairly certain one of those fetishes was responsible for our school motto,"** she added.

Fred recited the school motto, turning slightly green when he thought about it. "**Never tickle a sleeping dragon…" **he muttered**.**

**"**…**That's just… sick," **George finished his twin's thought, shaking his head in disgust.

Hermione focused the omnioculars on the dragon's nest and saw that nestled in with the gold speckled, crimson eggs was a solid gold egg. "**I think I figured out what the first task is,"** she told the twins and through her headset, a great portion of the Hogwarts student body. "**The bastar… uh… the Ministry folks running this mockery of… I mean wonderful tournament have added an extra egg to the nest. I wouldn't be surprised at all if the victims… er, I mean Champions… have to recover the egg in some way,"** she explained, making it clear that her verbal slip-ups were anything but.

"**What?!"** the twins shouted in unison.

"**Everyone knows you leave nesting dragons alone if you value your life,"** Fred stated.

"**Even our brother Charlie, the world renowned dragon handler, won't go near a nesting dragon without another four handlers to back him up**," George added. "**Personally, I think he took the job to impress the ladies,"** he joked. "**Oops… I guess I just narrowed down the list of which of our brothers plays with other guys' wands**," he joked.

Fred laughed. "**That you did my dear brother,"** he agreed. "**Now as long as you don't tell her Bill is a notorious ladies man Hermione will never guess which one it is,"** he said, winking at Hermione. A short, bark that sounded suspiciously like a laugh came from the large black dog behind them. Fred turned and saw Remus was trying hard not to laugh as well. His attention was brought back to the arena when his brother slapped his arm. Fred looked down onto the floor. "**Well, it looks like the lovely Fleur Delcaour will be the first one to face a dragon today**," he announced.

"**Uh-oh, it looks like the Chinese Fireball has already spotted her and is living up to its name**," George said. "**Delcour barely managed to dodge that blast. Lucky for her she managed to duck behind one of the boulders before she got fried**," he stated.

"**I swear, if either of you jokers makes a French fry reference, I'm tossing both of you over the railing,"** Hermione promised. The twin looked at each other, clearly confused since they had never eaten at a Muggle fast food place. They just shrugged their shoulders and went back to describing the action.

Fleur ducked her head around the boulder and quickly drew it back as another fireball exploded around the boulder. She desperately looked around for something to help her. Taking careful aim, she transfigured a small rock into a French Poodle, hoping the animal might distract the dragon. The dog ran out from behind the boulder and was instantly bathed in a fireball. Instead of dying on the spot, the four legged torch ran back to huddle behind the boulder where it started from. The burning fur caught Fleur's robes on fire before the poodle transformed back into a rock.

Hermione was quickly jotting notes with a conjured quill while she used the omniocular's sound enhancement to listen to what Fleur was saying. The twins stared at her, waiting for her to explain what she was doing. Hermione saw them out of the corner of her eye and blushed a bit. "**I learned French in primary school and the words and phrases Miss Delacour is using are definitely not one you want young children to learn,"** she explained. Her parents often took her to France for vacations and she was planning on using at least three of those new phrases on the beach whenever some old pervert stopped to stare at her and her mum on the topless beaches.

Fleur shouted an angry Aguamenti spell and doused her smoldering robes with water. She fumed for a moment longer and then smacked her forehead with her palm. She tapped her robes with her wand and transfigured them before calmly stepping out from behind the boulder. The dragon, like all of its kind, had excellent eyesight. It took one look at the French Champion and was clearly conflicted. Even those who weren't dragon behavior experts could tell that something was up. It looked like the dragon was torn between attacking the young woman and trying to stand very, very still, hoping the new threat wouldn't notice it.

"**Huh?!" **the twins said in unison, never having even heard of a dragon acting like that before.

"**Whatever she did had to do with transfiguring her robes,"** Hermione stated. She zoomed in on Fleur and then zoomed in even further when she noticed a nametag on the girl's chest. Hermione started laughing and chortled, "**That explains it."**

**"Explains what?"** Fred asked.

Hermione zoomed in once more so the very impressive bust of one Fleur Delacour filled up their widescreen, omniocular converter. Unlike a Muggle widescreen, this one was in perfect 3D.

"**Heh… heh…** **boobies!"** the twins exclaimed, mesmerized.

"**Bouncing bazooms**…" Fred said.

"**Wonderful wobbling waboes**…" George stated.

"**Glorious Sweater Meat Mountains…" ** Fred added.

Hermione cleared her throat loudly, interrupting the verbal tennis match. "**Honestly, you would think you two were twelve years old**," she scolded the twins. "**It's not her breasts, it's the nametag**," she sighed.

"**What nametag**?" Fred asked, not ever noticing it due to his attention being consumed elsewhere. Hermione sighed again and zoomed in once again so the nametag was the only thing visible on the screen. It read, "Fleur Delacour, Jehovah's Witness."

"**Ooooooh…" **the twins exclaimed and then watched as Fleur walked right up to the nest while the dragon did what every sentient or near-sentient creature instinctively knew to do when confronted with a Jehovah's Witness. The dragon did its very best to pretend it wasn't home. Fleur picked up the golden egg, blew a kiss to the crowd, and skipped off back to the Champion's entrance.

While the dragon handlers subdued the Chinese Fireball, the PPBC commentators went back to talking to their audience. "**While the dragon handlers prep the arena for the next dragon, we at the PPBC have a public service announcement paid for by Marauders, Inc,"** George said. He took in a deep breath as if he were planning on talking about an uncomfortable subject. "**Every year scores of children in the wizarding world are victims of unwanted and rather painful sexual assaults," **he said somberly.

"**That's true and what most people don't know is that almost all of those attacks happen to young boys in their first and second years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft of Wizardry,"** Fred said, chiming in on the topic.

"**We're not naming names, but for your children's safety, please talk to them about how unwise it is to have their backsides pointed towards a certain potions teacher at the school. That is all," **George stated. This caused another laugh like bark and Remus had to put his fist in his mouth to keep from laughing loud enough to be heard over the others' headsets.

"**It looks like the dragon handlers are bringing in the next dragon and this time we don't need a kinky dragon guide to tell us what is**," Fred said.

"**That's right, George**," George agreed. "**That green beastie down there is quite obviously a Common Welsh Green**," he pronounced.

Hermione harrumphed while she flipped through the book to the right page. "**It might be a common dragon, but that doesn't mean that it isn't dangerous,"** she stated. "**It says right here that even though the Welsh Green is a common dragon, it's still one of the more deadly ones**," she paraphrased. "**The Welsh Green has special cheek muscles that compress their flame breath into a narrow cone causing them to be deadly at a much greater distance compared to other dragons**," she read from the book. "**The action is similar to how a human focuses their breath when trying to blow out a candle**," she said.

"**That is scary**," George conceded.

"**That's right**," Fred said, picking up the thought trail his brother offered. "**The last thing I would want is to be blown by a dragon**," he said innocently.

Before Hermione could cuff him across the back of the head, the Champion's door opened and Cedric Diggory walked in. As soon as he was through the door, Cedric dove into a roll and came up with his wand pointed at the dragon's head. He put both hands on his wand and willed all of his magical strength behind the pink hued curse that blasted the dragon in the face.

Both twins covered their faces with their palms in disgust. Not really caring that Cedric couldn't hear him, George commented directly at the Champion. "**A conjunctivitis curse?! You bloody idiot!**" he swore. "**The dragon's Welsh you moron! It's probably used to having a bad case of pinkeye**," he stated, shaking his head. "**Even if it can't see, it can still hear really, really well**," he moaned in embarrassment at how the official Hogwarts Champion started things out.

"**I think he might have planned on that**," Hermione said, interrupting George's tirade. "**He's transfiguring one of the smaller rocks into something**," she pointed out. Adjusting the omnioculars, she saw the rock transform into a small, blonde pixie. Cedric's hand shot out and grabbed the pixie. He held the squirming creature over his head and shook the poor thing violently. Glittering, gold pixie dust fell from the pixie, covering Cedric. He tossed the pixie aside when he floated a few inches off of the ground.

"**Oh, I get it now**," Fred said. "**Since he won't be touching the ground, no footsteps to give him away**," he explained.

"**That might be fine and good from a distance, but as soon as he gets close, the dragon will be able to hear his breathing and even his heartbeat**," George pointed out.

Fred thought for a moment and then nudged Hermione when he saw Cedric performing a complicated wand movement with the wand pointed at himself. She turned up the volume so they could hear the incantation. "Sanguinium Homoeroticus," Cedric incanted. The Champion's skin paled significantly and the tips of fangs could be seen protruding from under his upper lip.

Hermione had grabbed a different book and was rapidly flipping pages to figure out what spell Cedric had used. "**He just used a very old Greek spell that turns the caster into a vampire**," she called out. "**I wonder where he learned that spell**?" she asked.

Fred shrugged his shoulders. "**Well, he is dating that Ravenclaw, Cho Chang**," he said. "**Even money the girl's a vampire groupie**," he offered. To prove his point, he scanned the crowd with the omnioculars and then zoomed in on Cho. She had a dreamy, hungry expression on her face as she watched her boyfriend transform into the living dead.

George shook his head sadly. "**On behalf of the PPBC, I would like to give an impromptu public service announcement for Cho Chang and girls like her**," he said. "**One thing you girls might want to think about is a vampire's lack of a heartbeat**," he stated. "**No heartbeat means no blood flow**. **No blood flow means that blood can't be directed to a certain part to satisfy your carnal cravings in regards to the vampire**," he explained.

Fred took over the public service announcement. "**That's right ladies. Your perfect vampire lover will be forever limp like one of the Malfoy males in a topless bar," **he stated**. **

They watched as the glittering undead floated towards the nest and gingerly picked up the Golden Egg mixed in with the brown eggs. He had almost floated away before a twitch of the dragon's tail brought that huge appendage into contact with Cedric. Both twins leaned back in their chairs and grimaced when they saw the impact.

"**Even if Cho somehow managed to know how to get a certain part of Cedric to rise from the grave, I don't think that will be possible for quite a while**," George said, his voice sounding pained.

"**Not after taking a dragon tail right in the Quaffles it won't**," Fred agreed. "**Lucky for him that Madame has plenty of potions for just such an injury**," he added. Fred saw Hermione raise a questioning eyebrow. "**Quidditch is a contact sport played with a broom between your legs. Accident happen**," he explained.

The dragon handlers were taking out the Welsh Green through one entrance while the Medi-witches were pulling a still floating Cedric out through the other. Cedric was curled up in a ball around his egg. A close-up showed his eyes were crossed and tears were sliding down his cheeks.

Hermione was still thinking about what Fred had said about Quidditch. She had recently decided on making sure Harry knew how much she loved him and that she would be his forever. Quite frankly, she was worried that after three years of Quidditch, his equipment might not be in working order. "**Er… um… how often do those accidents happen to the Gryffindor team**?" she asked, not sure she wanted to know. Again, she forgot the headsets were on and broadcasting to the Wizarding world.

George thought for a moment and then shrugged. "**About as often as most teams I would guess. Just about all of us have had to go to the hospital wing for a ruptured nut at least four or five times a season,**" he stated, wincing at the memory.

"**Harry is the only bloke we know who has never lost one for the team," **Fred added**. "Still can't figure that one out, all things considered," **he muttered.

"**What do you mean**?" Hermione asked.

For once, both twins blushed when they realized what they were about to explain to the girl they thought was destined for their friend and teammate, Harry Potter. "**Um… well you see**…" Fred stammered.

"**Harry's a bloody Parselcrotch!**" George blurted out. "**We nearly ran screaming from the shower after Harry's first game and he was only 11**," he admitted. "**I have no idea how he manages to balance on a broom with that bloody python between his legs**," he muttered.

"**To put it another way, where most blokes are packing wands, Harry packs a wizard's staff**," Fred told Hermione. He turned around in his seat and saw the slack jawed, shocked expressions on both Remus and _Snuffles_. The sight of the magical broadcasting equipment behind Remus made Fred frown. "**We're still live, aren't we**?" he inquired. Both the huge dog and Remus nodded in sync. "**Shhhhhiiiit**…" Fred whispered, drawing out the word. "**Harry's going to kill us,"** he moaned.

Hermione was blushing a deep crimson, almost managing to approximate a Weasley blush. She sighed in relief when the dragon handlers brought in the next nesting dragon. The dragon in question was odd on many levels. For one thing, it was only about three times the size of an average man. For another, it only had four limbs where most dragons had six. The forelegs and wings were combined in this weird specimen. Hermione opened up the Scalesniffer Guide and found the dragon in question. "**That's a Swedish Short-snout,"** she told the twins and their listening audience. "**This rare dragon is considered one of the deadliest varieties due to its amazing agility and its ultra-high temperature flames. The flames glow blue they are so hot and are able to turn a body into ash in less than two seconds**," she read. Hermione closed her eyes as she both searched for the right memory and then did the conversions. "**That's over 900 degrees Celsius,"** she told them.

"**Lucky the last two Champions are both Seekers**," George commented. "**They're going to need all of those trained reflexes to survive this beast**," he said. "**Speaking of Seekers, it looks like Victor Krum is entering the arena**," he stated. "**Hey Ron, try not to rub one off in public while your man-crush is on the floor**," he teased, knowing his brother didn't have a portable Wizard Wireless set.

As soon as Krum was through the doors, he plotted out his path to a boulder about 50 meters away. It was close enough to run to, but far enough away to not be a Champion's first choice for cover. He ran from boulder to boulder, dodging the blue flames easily. When he reached his destination, he pushed a small rock near the base of the boulder away, revealing a small hole. He reached in and pulled out a dark green bottle. Krum pointed his wand and the small rock transfigured it into a large, fat rabbit. He uncorked the bottle and poured the thick liquid over the rabbit. When the bottle was empty, he grabbed the rabbit and tossed it as far as he could in the dragon's direction. The dragon lunged to end of its chains and managed to catch the tasty morsel in mid-air.

"**He… he… ****_cheated_**_!" _Hermione fumed_._

Fred looked around the control booth. "**Anyone here other than Hermione who is surprised that Durmstrang cheated raise your hand or paw**," he ordered. He wasn't surprised to see that everyone kept the hands (or paws) down. Fred turned back around to watch the arena floor. "**I wonder what the potion did?" **he asked no one in particular**.**

The Padfoot Pirate crew zoomed in on the dragon, looking for any sign of change. Hermione was the first to see the difference. She pointed to the screen, getting the twins' attention. "**I'm not an expert on dragon biology by any means, but I'm pretty certain female dragons don't have one of those,"** she said. "**Krum must have covered that poor rabbit with a sex change potion," **she guessed. Hermione started to chuckle when she remembered watching a certain cartoon rabbit with transvestite tendencies on the tele when she was little. She waved off the questioning glances from the twins.

Regaining her composure, Hermione tapped her chin thoughtfully. "**That's actually not that bad of an idea**," she mused. "**A male dragon would be far less interested in protecting a nest than a female would**," she stated.

"**That still leaves a pissed off male dragon chained over the nest," **Fred pointed out.

As if he could hear them, Krum centered himself and drew on his magic reserves. He cast an over powered spell on the dragon which quickly stopped roaring in anger. Krum followed up by blasting the chains away with four quick Reducto spells. He waited for the no longer angry, male dragon to wander away from the nest so he could claim his prize. The Durmstrang Champion wasn't prepared for the dragon to give him an appraising glance and then rush him using all of its tremendous speed. What happened next caused most of the spectators to seek out Obliviators to remove the traumatic memory from their minds.

Fred looked away from the horrible scene below him. "**Someone put that poor bastard out of his misery!" **he demanded.

George reached out to his twin, he was so disturbed by what he saw. "**Hold me, Fred**," he begged, his voice trembling. Fred was so shaken by what he saw, he didn't even try to pull their usual name game.

Hermione turned to look at the omniocular converter screen and used the controls to rewind the action so she could figure out what had happened to make things go so horribly wrong for Krum. She zoomed in on Krum's wand motions as he cast the last spell. She paused the action right after Krum sent the spell. "**Yep, that would do it alright,"** she commented. She nudged the trembling twins and pointed towards the screen. "**Watch his wand work and tell me what you see,"** she ordered, rewinding the recording to the beginning of Krum's spell. After she had played the clip, she tried not to smirk. Krum had brought this on himself after all. "**Did you guys recognize that spell?"** she inquired.

George nodded, a confused look on his face. "**That looked like a simple Cheering Charm,"** he replied.

Hermione shook her head to tell him it wasn't a Cheering Charm. "**Krum must have buckled under the pressure a bit because instead of ending with a definite flick, he used a large swish at the end," **she pointed out. The twins' eyes widen asthey realized what that meant. "**That's right, boys. Krum managed to shift the charm from Cheering to Gay," **she chuckled**, **confident Karma had come back to bite him in the ass. Well, perhaps not exactly bite, but it still involved Krum's ass.

The twins looked back down into the arena and had the unfortunate luck of having the dragon looking directly up at them. For the rest of their lives, Fred and George could say they knew what a Swedish Short-snout's "O-face" looked like. When the dragon was finally finished, it let go of Krum and took flight into the overcast sky.

Krum managed to stand and turned to face the nest. With a strange, awkward, stiff-legged limp, the Bulgarian Keeper made his way painfully to the nest to recover the Golden Egg. Medi-witches took pity on him and levitated Krum out on a stretcher after he claimed his prize.

Finally over the shock of watching a man be buggered by a dragon, the twins smiled at each other. Even the horrible act the witnessed couldn't suppress their antics for long. "**You know, George**…" George started to say. "**I suppose you could say the dragon ended up getting Krum in the end**," he said with a straight face.

Not be out done, Fred said, "**You're absolutely right, brother of mine. It could also be said that Krum led the battle at first, but the dragon ****_came_**** from behind to dominate the encounter."**

George was about to say something else, but Hermione stopped him with a hand over his mouth. "**Stop it you two," **she ordered**. "Harry's up next**," she reminded them.

There was a collective gasp as the dragon handlers led the last dragon into the arena. Fred rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't seeing things. "**Merlin's saggy balls! What hell did they drag that monster out of?!" **he exclaimed. The dragon on the arena floor was easily twice as big as any of the other dragons they had seen. It was jet black except for the bronze horns ringing its head and the large, bronze spikes protruding from the end of its tail. The creature looked so fearsome many imagined even its poop could out fight a squadron of battle mages.

George looked over at Hermione and saw she was petrified with fright for her Harry. He eased the dragon guide out of her hands and looked up the fierce looking dragon below them. He swallowed hard and showed the relevant chapter to his brother. The dragon was called a Hungarian Horn-tail. The only things written about the creature, other than its description, were the words, "Run… fast!"

Hermione let out a frightened "eep" as Harry entered the arena. He took one look at the dragon and dove for the cover of a nearby boulder. He didn't even try to peek around the only cover he had as he drew hi wand. Pointing it in the general direction of Hogwarts, he said clearly, "Accio Firebolt!"

While Harry was waiting for his trusty broom to arrive, Theodore Nott put his very Slytherin plan into action. He knew the remaining Death Eaters would reward him greatly if he managed to get rid of the-boy-who-refused-to-die. The fact that he would be able to shift all of the blame to a person not even in his House made his plans all the sweeter. Everyone knew that the rejects in Hufflepuff House had an axe to grind with Potter now that he was poised to steal their Champion's thunder. As it so happened, a Hufflepuff student with a prominent family had ring side seats to watch the Tournament. Nott activated his delayed reaction Imperious Curse and watched as Susan Bones did whatever she could to distract Harry Potter, giving the dragon an opportunity to end the Gryffindor Golden boy once and for all.

Harry sensed movement out of the corner of his eye. He turned his head and saw Susan Bones jumping up and down to get his attention. When their eyes met, Susan opened her robes, lifted up her shirt, and flashed her very impressive breasts at him. Harry reacted the way any straight, teenage boy would. He stared at Susan's breasts thinking, "_Heh… heh… boobies!"_ Unfortunately for Harry, his broom chose that moment to come rocketing from the castle at his call. The handle of the broom made a loud cracking noise as it struck the side of his head, leaving a small gash. Harry was so angry at both the pain and his own ability to be distracted that he started swearing in Parseltongue. .:**_Son of a fucking Malfoy:._** he swore.

.:**_Language, hatchling!:._** the dragon hissed at him.

Surprise gripped both combatants on the arena floor. Harry poked his head around the boulder to look at the dragon who was staring back at him. .:**_You can talk?!:. _**they asked in unison.

Harry was the first to answer. .:**_I'm a Parselmouth:. _**he replied. .:**_I didn't know dragons spoke the language of serpents:. _**he said.

The dragon chuckled, letting a bit of flame curl up around her snout. .:**_Most can't, young Speaker:. _**she replied. .:**_I'm bi-lingual. I dated a Runespoor when I was much younger:._** she explained. The dragon suddenly remembered where they were and growled deep in her throat. .:**_I'm going to feel bad about killing you, Speaker, but I won't let you threaten my eggs:._** she told him firmly.

Harry swallowed hard, but didn't retreat back behind the boulder. Instead, he stepped out, opening up himself for a flame attack. .:**_The humans who brought you here tricked you and put a fake egg in your nest hoping you would protect it like it was your own:. _**he told her**_._** The dragon rolled her eyes, very much like Hermione, letting him know exactly how full of hippogriff dung she thought he was. Hoping he was on the right path, Harry went on. .:**_I'm telling you the truth. How many eggs did you lay?:. _**he asked.

.:**_Five:._** the dragon answered tersely.

Harry did a quick count of the eggs in the nest and sighed in relief. .:**_You're sitting on six eggs:. _**he pointed out.

The dragon craned its long neck and looked underneath her large body. After counting twice to make sure, she looked back up at Harry. .:**_Well, this is embarrassing:. _**she joked. She lifted one of her large wings covering the Golden Egg. .:**_The egg is yours, young Speaker:. _**she said warmly.

Harry bowed low to the dragon and made his way to her nest. As he approached, the scent of his blood floated on the breeze to the ancient dragon. _This Speaker has a very strange blood smell,_ she thought. Her long, forked tongue flicked out and tasted the air that had the blood scent on it. _Mother Tiamat! The hatchling has traces of basilisk venom and phoenix tears in his blood,_ she realized. _I can also smell the seeds of animagus magic inside of him,_ she told herself. A happy thought crept across her mind as she remembered the last wizard who had such traces in his blood. One of her ancestors had run into that wizard and added her own blood to the mixture, forcing an animagus transfer on the boy. The decision turned out to be the correct one and Myrddin Emrys became one of Dragonkind's greatest allies.

While harry slowly picked up the Golden Egg so as to not anger the dragon, said dragon silently dragged one of her tail spikes across her rump, drawing blood. She dipped the spike in the blood again and waited for Harry to step away from her. As Harry did so, the dragon lowered her head to look him in the eye. .:**_Just so you know, Speaker, you'll thank me for this later:._** she told him.

Harry was about to ask what she meant when she whipped her tail around and drove the blood soaked spike through his shoulder. He managed to look down at the foot or so of dragon spike sticking out of his chest, mutter a quick, "Bugger!", and then passed out from the pain.


	2. Chapter 2

**Harry Potter, Unexpected Animagus**

**Chapter 2**

Professor Snape stalked through the castle in a fouler mood than usual. Not only had one of his "special" tutoring sessions with one of his young Slytherins been interrupted, he was being forced to bring up more healing draughts because the Potter brat had received another minor injury. Snape found nothing wrong with the concept that a scratch on a Slytherin's arm was a major injury while he considered being impaled by a dragon spike a minor injury for a Gryffindor.

The potion teacher's mood worsened even more when he saw the hallway in front of him was packed full of first year students. Before Snape could bellow out an order for the students to get out of his way, all of the male students except for one dashed to either side and pressed their backs to the wall. As soon as their backs were to the wall, they clasped their hands behind them. Snape allowed himself a small smirk at the thought that the students were finally paying him the respect he deserved.

The remaining male student was walking backwards, chatting with a girl he had made friends with and had no idea who he was headed towards. The girl was Muggle born like him and they had hit things off right after the sorting ceremony. Snape changed course slightly so the young Gryffindor student would walk into him giving the Head of Slytherin house a good excuse to yell at a student. The small first year student walked right into Professor Snape knocking him back a step. The young Gryffindor, Thomas O'Kelley, turned around slowly and his eyes became wide with pure terror. Snape put on his special sneer/scowl that he had perfected in front of the mirror after hours of practice. He was about to bellow out a ridiculous deduction in house points but the terrified shriek of the student made him pause for a moment.

"Oh lord, no!" O'Kelley yelled when he realized it was Snape he had backed into, his Irish brogue getting thicker due to stress. He had an uncle who had been arrested during the "troubles" back in Ireland and he had shared some of his horror stories in an effort to keep his nephew on the straight and narrow. O'Kelley looked up at Snape, his eyes pleading. "Please, Professor... please don't be burgling me bum. I'm too young to be a prison bitch!" he begged, his small frame trembling with fear.

Snape slowly turned around in a circle and looked closer at the other male students. Not only were they all avoiding his eyes, but each one was doing their very best to hide their backsides from him. When he finished his circle, Snape was livid. "25 points from Gryffindor for pure clumsiness and 2 nights of detention in my classroom for daring to imply that I would 'burgle your bum' as you so quaintly put it", he snarled. O'Kelley's eyes rolled into the back of his head and he fainted in fear of what those detentions might entail.

Commotion from down the hall drew Snapes attention and his scowl grew even darker. Potter's friends were storming through Hogwarts castle like a force of nature. Remus Lupin had taken point and he was flanked on either side by one of those insufferable Weasley twins. Hermione Granger, clutching one of her oh so precious books like it was a life preserver, followed close behind the old Marauder. A large black dog that was somehow familiar to Snape brought up the rear, a low growl constantly rumbling from its throat. While the first years gave way to Snape out of fear of being a victim to a greasy haired sexual predator, the clearing of the way for Potter's friends was based off either respect for the one time professor or outright terror at the thought of pissing off both a werewolf and the Ginger Demons.

Snape shouldered past O'Kelley and made to block Lupin's way. "I presume you had something to do with this... this slight on my reputation," Snape said in an angry whisper while making a sweeping gesture at the first year boys.

"Out of our way, Snivelous!" Lupin ordered as he put his hand on Snape's shoulder to push him out of the way. "Harry's hurt and we need to see him," he shouted. Snape slowly looked down at Lupin's hand and then back up to stare in his old classmate's eyes. Lupin withdrew his hand and then wiped it on the side of his robe to get rid of the oily feeling.

"I suppose it's fortunate for me that I intercepted you," Snape snarled. He reached into his robe's interior pocket and pulled out two vials of a thick, crimson potion. "I'll let you take these up to Madame Pomfrey. It will let me get to the headmaster's office all the sooner to report this latest, unwarranted smirch on my spotless reputation," he said as he handed over the vials. Remus took the offered vials with his non-oily hand. Snape turned sharply on his heel making his robe billow majestically around him. He had no idea one of the twins had magically adhered a parchment to the back of his robe. The parchment read, "Registered Rump Robber."

As soon as Snape was out of earshot, Moony started chuckling at the twins' antics. He looked down at his hand that he finally rubbed clean. "I should have known better than to touch Snivelous' robes," he muttered. Remus noticed the twins' curious expressions and he nodded towards the passageway Snape had just left. "Have you ever wondered how old greasy git makes his robes billow like that whenever he moves?" he asked them.

Fred nodded his head. "Fred and I spent an entire afternoon trying to get our robes to do that and we never even came close," he admitted.

"You wouldn't be able to without help," Remus told him. "The only way to get your robe to act with that much body and bounce is to use Snape's patented robe conditioner," he said. "I found a bottle of it when I was looking through one of Knock-Turn Alley's less reputable potion shops. I tried it out and my robe billowed impressively, but then I couldn't get my hair clean for a week," he explained. "Never mind that though, Harry needs us," he reminded the group. He shook his head and started jogging towards the hospital wing again.

The crew of the PPBC never broke stride as they hit the hospital wing, slamming the doors into the walls. Madam Poppy Pomfrey fixed the group with a stern stare due to the booming noise, but relaxed slightly when she saw who it was. "Stop right there you lot!" she commanded, pointing her wand towards Remus. "I'll not have a circus wandering around while I'm trying to treat Mr. Potter," she told them firmly while she drew a curtain around one of her few reserved beds with her free hand. Everyone knew she kept that bed empty for the numerous times Harry Potter was forced to visit her domain. After the end of Harry's second year, the twins had enchanted a nameplate that read "Harry's Bed" and stuck it on the footboard. Poppy had never gotten round to removing it that year and decided it was easier to just keep the shiny brass name plate where it was after all of Harry's accidents during his third year.

Remus looked closely at the woman who had been there for him during his "special" time of the month back when he was a student. He had come to know Poppy well and his stomach fell when he saw traces of fear in her eyes. Turning, he placed a hand on either twins' shoulder. "Boys, I need you to take Snuffles over to that bed by the doors and keep him company while Hermione and I check on Harry," he suggested. His serious expression made them nod and walk off to stand where he told them.

Remus bent down on one knee and looked the black dog right in the eyes. "If any known Death Eaters come in through that door, sick balls," he ordered only half in jest. Padfoot gave a low growl, nodded his large furry head, and trotted off to sit to the side so anyone rushing into the room would pass by him and give him a chance to attack from behind.

When Remus turned around again, Hermione put her hand on his arm. "Professor, what's wrong?" she asked in a terrified whisper.

Remus covered her hand with his own trying to comfort her. "I'm not sure, Hermione, but I can tell you the only time I've ever seen that expression on Poppy was when she didn't know what to do to help a patient," he told her. Since last year, Remus had grown to respect not only Harry but Hermione as well. He wasn't about to lie to the smartest witch of her generation. He had done that once to Lily and the boils had taken a month to go away. Remus watched as Hermione bolted past him and dodged around Poppy to get to Harry's bed.

Hermione gasped and the Goblin Dragon guide fell out of her numb hands when she saw the state Harry was in. He was lying in the bed with his uniform cut open on the front and sweat pouring off of his pale, feverish skin. A low, mindless moan escaped Harry's lips as he thrashed back and forth. His shoulder was wrapped with a Muggle style bandage around the wound. Hermione saw blood had already started seeping through the fresh dressing. It took Hermione a few moments before it registered that Remus had joined her at Harry's bedside.

Remus looked down at the dressing on Harry's shoulder and then up at Poppy, begging her with his eyes for her to explain what was happening to the only son of his best friends. "The dragon's spike went completely through him, back to front," Pomfrey told him.

"Yes, yes… we know that part," Remus sighed in agitation. He had watched from the Black private booth and couldn't get the image of Harry being lifted off of the arena floor by the spike impaled through his chest out of his mind. For some reason known only to the dragon, after running him through she had gently pulled Harry off of her tail spike and eased him gently to the ground.

Poppy shook her head with a mixture of frustration and sadness. "The wound has been resistant to any magical healing and his body has gone into some sort of magical shock," she stated. "I called down for some more blood replenishing potions from Snape's stores, but I doubt they will work now," she sighed. Patient confidentiality be damned, she grabbed Harry's chart and thrust it into Remus' hands. "Here are the results of my diagnostic scans. I can't make head or tails of them," she said.

Remus flipped through the charts a few times, noting the strange results. Harry's magic was fluctuating wildly. Obviously the dragon spike had something to do with it, but the dragon handlers had assured everyone that Hungarian Horntails were non-venomous. A particular reading caught his eye and he flipped back two pages to compare it to another. Remus dropped the charts in shock and let out a startled, "Bloody hell!"

"Professor?!" Hermione exclaimed at his outburst.

Ignoring Hermione, Remus drew his wand. "Expacto Patronum" he yelled. A mangy looking, dog-like creature leapt out of his wand and turned to face him. "Go find Prof. McGonagall. Tell her Harry is in dire trouble and we need her at once," he commanded. The strange patronus stood on its hind legs and snapped a salute to Remus before dissolving into a ball of silvery light that raced out of the hospital wing.

Distracted for a moment from her patient's plight, Poppy cocked her head to the side as she looked at where Remus' patronus had just been. "That was the strangest looking wolf I have ever seen," she commented.

Hermione gaped open mouthed at where Remus' patronus had just been. Remus glanced down at her and his eyebrows crinkled in frustration when he saw she recognized his patronus. He knew Hermione was Muggle born, just as Lily had been. For her part, Lily had never let him live down the form his patronus took when it manifested. Hermione shook her head to clear it and looked over at Madam Pomfrey. "That wasn't a wolf, Madam Pomfrey. It was a coyote," she corrected.

Remus covered his face with his hand. "When I was boy I spent a few overnights with my Muggle cousin during my safe time of the month. I must have imprinted on that particular image while watching tele on Saturday mornings at his house. I think I connected with how the coyote never gave up even though all he ever had was bad luck," he stated.

Hermione nodded, barely listening to Remus' explanation. She turned back to Harry and held onto his hand even tighter. "Stay with us, Harry. We need you… I need you," she whispered and then kissed his hand.

******Unexpected Animagus******

Prof. Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore was not having a good day and it wasn't just because he had been forced to sign his full name on more than one document that evening. Many people knew he was the one responsible for bringing back the Tri-Wizard Tournament and now three out the four Champions were seriously injured. Victor Krum was on the Durmstrang ship being treated for both the physical and mental trauma suffered after he had received a rather thorough rogering by an amorous dragon.

Cedric Diggory had made the foolish mistake of using a self-transformation charm while being covered in pixie dust. Any Master of either Transfiguration or Care of Magical Creatures could tell you that pixie dust acts as a catalyst and makes the transformation permanent. The fact that neither Cedric nor his girlfriend were anywhere close to having Masters certifications slipped Dumbledore's mind. _Oh well, at least he chose to become one of … those… types of vampires and will be able to go about during the daylight. Too bad about the whole erectile dysfunction problem, though. Oh well, I'm sure he and Miss Chang will come up with some sort of work around_, Dumbledore mused.

The third Champion who had been seriously injured was the reason his Deputy Headmistress was in his office yelling at him. "Have you gone completely senile?! What were you thinking allowing dragons to be used?!" McGonagall demanded sharply. "Had that beast's spike been two inches to the left, we would be burying one of my cubs! If Lilly were still alive, she would have your scrotum as a coin purse," she yelled. DUmbledore wisely stayed silent on the fact that after over 180 years, his family jewels had sagged enough that Lily would be able to make not only a coin purse, but a full sized briefcase as well. McGonagall's tirade was interrupted by the sudden appearance of a silvery blue coyote in the headmaster's office.

"My goodness..." Dumbledore muttered in amusement when the patronus took full form and looked around the office. He took out his half-moon spectacles and put them on the bridge of his nose to better see the unusual manifestation.

The coyote looked around the room and then held up a white sign with a wooden handle that read, "**Prof. McGonagall**". It put the sign down and whipped another up from behind it's back. "**Harry's in the hospital wing and he's in deep $ #%!**" the second sign read.

Dumbledore frowned and pointed at the sign. "What do those symbols mean?" he wondered aloud.

McGonagall rolled her eyes before answering. "As you know, patronus have to act within the confines of how they manifest. From what Lily explained to me, Remus' patronus is based on a children's cartoon. As such, it is incapable of swearing without masking it someway," she explained.

Dumbledore frowned again. "What's a cartoon?" he asked.

The coyote stamped its foot in irritation and pointed to the sign again. When he was sure McGonagall had read it, he dropped the sign and held up another one. "**HURRY!**" it read.

"Of course," McGonagall apologized to the patronus before bolting out of the room.

Prof. Dumbledore and the coyote looked at each other for a few moments while they waited for the patronus to dissipate. Just as every patronus was unique, so was their way of fading out of existence. Some disappeared in a puff of smoke while others exploded in a burst of light. The headmaster had never encountered Remus' patronus before and was intrigued as to how this manifestation would expire. His answer came when the coyote suddenly looked up at the rafters. The coyote held up a sign that read, "**AH... $#&!**" before it was squashed by a large, bluish silver boulder.

The patronus energy dissipated, leaving the headmaster's office empty save for the old wizard. Dumbledore placed his hands on the edge of his desk and leaned forward. He craned his neck around to look up at the rafters in an effort to see where the boulder had come from.

******Unexpected Animagus******

Professor McGonagall was in such a hurry to help Harry, she paused for only a second to acknowledge the Weasley twins who were guarding the door to the hospital wing. "Boys," she muttered in greeting as she passed them. When she reached Harry's bed, the sight of him made her knees go weak with shock. She leaned against the wall for support and looked over at the school's nurse. "Poppy... what...," was all she was able to get out as she watched one of her favorite cubs barely clinging to life.

Remus handed the medical charts to McGonagall. "Look at page seven and then go back to page five," he instructed.

McGonagall took the offered charts and looked at the pages Remus had said. She flipped back and forth between the pages three times to make sure she wasn't seeing things. Tossing the charts onto the bed next to Harry's, she let out a loud sigh. "Mr. Potter, will the fates ever grant you a break?" she asked rhetorically.

Hermione couldn't take not knowing what was going on any longer. "Will someone please tell me what is wrong with Harry?" she implored.

Prof. McGonagall looked down and saw how Hermione was holding Harry's hand. The old transfiguration teacher glanced back to the doors and saw the pained looks in the twins eyes as well as the look of despair in Padfoot's. She made a quick decision knowing that people assembled in this room were the ones best suited to help Harry on his new journey if he lived through the night. McGonagall drew her wand, muttered a spell in ancient Gaelic, and pointed her wand at first the doors and then the windows lining the walls. Mystical green vines sprung up out of nowhere and laced around themselves to make intricate Celtic knotwork shields over the doors and windows. "That will keep just about anyone out of here until we are done discussing things," she announced. McGonagall turned her head and beckoned to the twins and Padfoot with her non-wand hand. "Boys, please come over here so I don't have to shout...and yes, that includes you, Sirius," she commanded.

At her words, Padfoot got up and then lept into the air. While in air, the huge black dog's form blurred into a black cloud that lengthed and then coalesced into Sirius' human form. He was wearing a black robe tied loosely at the front, showing off the various mystical tattoos on his chest. He strode to Harry's bed leaving the twins to sprint to catch up with him.

When they were all huddled around Harry's bed, Remus took in a deep breath and then asked, "What do you students know about the animagus transformation?"

Hermione fought down the urge to raise her hand and blurted out, "It's the process by which a wizard or witch transforms themselves into an animal. It is quite different from a normal transfiguration spell as it is an internal magic use and doesn't require a wand or incantation to perform it. It's also very difficult and less than 10% of the wizarding population is thought to have the power necessary to accomplish the transformation."

Sirius nodded at Hermione's answer. "Yes, that's exactly what the Ministry approved books say. The problem is that information isn't quite accurate," he told her. Before Hermione could voice her outrage, Sirius went on. "The truth is that only about 10% of the wizarding population carry the genetic trait necessary to be animaguses and it has nothing to do with how powerful you are. Look at Wormtail. I've never met a dimmer Lumos spell than him," he explained. "Also, the part about how difficult the process of becoming an animagus has been greatly exaggerated by those of us who have completed it to scare off those who don't have the strength of will to master it," he added.

"Huh?!" the twins asked in unison.

Prof. McGonagall took over the explanation. "Becoming an animagus is easy for those with the right heredity. Controlling it is quite another matter," she paraphrased. "After my first transformation into my feline form, I had a few embarrassing incidents before I mastered the process," she admitted.

"Like what, Professor?" George asked.

When McGonagall didn't answer right away, Sirius spoke up. "It takes quite a while to learn how to get your clothes to come back when you change back into a human. Even then it takes a good bit of concentration. It's why I had to steal a robe when I escaped from Azkaban. I couldn't remember how my clothes looked or felt like before I transformed," he stated. Sirius ran his hand down the front of his black, furry robe. "That's why I choose to wear this old thing. The feel of the fur against my skin is very distinct and easy to remember," he said.

"You can imagine my embarrassment when I showed up nude during my first few months as an animagus," McGonagall pointed out. The twins looked a little ill when they imagined their Head of the House in the buff. Even though they knew she was a young woman back then, they could only imagine her as she looked now - a woman in her eighties. "There is also the difficulty of mastering one's animal instincts after one's first transformation," she added. "I lost count of the number of times I caught myself licking my hands in order to bathe myself during a class," she chuckled.

Remus, who by his nature as a werewolf was incapable of becoming an animagus, looked thoughtful for a moment and then pointed a finger at Sirius. "That explains that one time I came into our dorm room and caught you trying to lick your own..." he started to say before Prof. McGonagall cut him off by clearing her throat loudly.

Sirius' cheeks turned a slight shade of red. "Um... actually, I had already mastered my canine instincts by then. I had received a weekend detention for one of our pranks and wanted to see if I could do that in my human form to pass the time," he admitted.

Both Madame Pomfrey and Prof. McGonagall hid their faces with their hands and shook their heads sadly. Before the twins could ask if it was possible, Hermione spoke up. "That's very interesting, but what does it have do with Harry?" she asked.

"Like we said, being an animagus is a hereditary trait. While the trait can skip a generation or two, having one of your parents be an animagus greatly increases the likelihood that you will be one. Having both parents be animaguses guarantees that their offspring will have the ability. Such is the case with Mr. Potter here," McGonagall stated.

This time, it was Remus and Sirius' turn to say, "Huh?!"

McGonagall smirked at their surprise. "You didn't really think the Marauders were the only unregistered animagus in the school, did you?" she asked the old Marauders.

Sirius snapped his fingers and grinned. "The fox!" he exclaimed. When he noticed everyone looking at him, Sirius explained. "During our fifth year, a small, red fox started joining us during our monthly visits to the Forbidden Forest. Looking back, it does seem quite odd that a such a small animal would feel safe enough to play with a stag, a grim, and a werewolf. I do remember wondering why the fox never bothered to eat Wormtail, now that I think about it," he told the group.

McGonagall nodded to Sirius. "Yes, I sent her to the forest every month to help Lily adjust to her animal form," she confirmed. "Now then , I'll explain what this all has to do with Harry. On very rare occasions, an individual whose parents are both animaguses can spontaneously transform into their animal form without any prior warning or training. Usually, the person experiences some great level of stress that triggers the transformation. We refer to these people as 'Unexpected Animagus' for obvious reasons," she explained. "The trauma of having a dragon spike shoved through his body has triggered such a response in Mr. Potter," McGonagall said.

Everyone looked down at the very human looking Harry Potter. Fred raised his hand. "Ok, I'll ask the obvious question," he said. "If Harry is an unexpected animagus, why isn't he... well, you know, more animalish?" he inquired.

"That's a very good question, Mr. Weasley," Remus said. Calling him "Mr. Weasley" was much easier than trying to figure which twin had spoken. "Several of Harry's magical readings are off the chart. It's almost as if Harry's body is trying to assimilate some other type of magic into his own. This conflict is making his own magic field fluctuate wildly. I would be willing to bet that this fluctuation is what is causing Poppy's magic not to be effective on him," he postulated.

No sooner had Remus stopped talking when Harry let out a loud, bone chilling moan. A moan that didn't sound like it should be able to come from a human throat. A bright, swirling light began to form above Harry. The light swirled around Harry and then started getting brighter and brighter until Hermione had to let go of Harry's hand to shade her eyes. The light became even more intense, preventing anyone from looking directly at Harry. With a flash and a loud sound like a spring being released, the light vanished, taking Harry with it.

The adults and the students assembled in the room stared at the empty bed Harry had just been in. They didn't notice the magical vines Prof. McGonagall had conjured glow blue and then fade away. They assembled people did look up however as Prof. Dumbledore strode into the room humming an old, cheery song. If the sight of Sirius black in human form concerned him at all, the Headmaster didn't show. He walked over to stand next his assistant headmaster. Dumbledore had seen everyone staring at the bed, so he looked at it as well. After a moment, Dumbledore cleared his throat. "Forgive me, but since I came in late, I was wondering if someone could tell me what we are all looking at?" he asked no one in particular.

Hermione started to sob. Fred took up the job of explaining. "Harry was just here. He was surrounded by a blinding light and then he just vanished along with the light," he said.

Dumbledore stroked his beard thoughtfully. "I see, well actually, I wasn't here to see it, but I believe I understand what you are telling me," he stated. "Was Mr. Potter's sudden departure heralded by a loud noise, such as a 'boing', or a 'kerchunk', or possibly even a 'weebly wonky wonky thwap'?" he inquired.

"Um, I would call it a 'boing', wouldn't you, dear brother?" Fred asked George.

George looked thoughtful for a moment. "Well, it definitely wasn't a 'kerchunk' or a... a..." George stated, not quite remembering the last noise Dumbledore had described.

"A 'weebly wonky wonky thwap'," Dumbledore provided.

"Right, it wasn't one of those," George replied.

Hermione shook her head to clear her thoughts and stood up. "What does it matter what sound was made when Harry vanished?" she asked angrily.

Dumbledore tilted his head so he look over his spectacles at Hermione. "The different sounds magic makes often gives clues as to what happened, Miss Granger. For instance, when the castle forcefully removes someone from its halls do them being a danger to her, a clearly audible 'kerchunk' noise similar to a catapult being fired accompanies the bright flash of light," he explained. "When the removal is for both the safety of both the castle and the individual, it sounds more like spring being released. The castle takes much more care to see to the individual's safe landing during the second scenario," he told her.

Prof. McGonagall frowned in thought. It was times like this that reminded her there was still much to learn about Hogwarts and that perhaps Prof. Dumbledore wasn't as senile as he seemed. "What does the 'wibly wanker'...whatever sound mean?" she asked.

"You mean 'weebly wonky wonky thwap' don't you?" Dumbledore asked. McGonagall only nodded. "Ah yes, 'weebly wonky wonky thwap'. Truth is, I've never heard the castle make that noise, but I always thought it would be brilliant if it did," he replied, sending McGonagall's estimation of his senility back to where it had been. "I'm sure Harry is quite alright," he assured everyone.

"Be that as it may, I suggest we start searching the grounds for Mr. Potter," McGonagall stated. "If his animagus crisis resolves itself, it will leave a very confused and more than likely frightened animal with human intelligence out there. The longer he stays in animal form during his first transformation, the stronger the animal instincts will be when he changes back into human form," she warned. At this proclamation, Dumbledore only raised one bushy eyebrow. McGonagall took him by the arm and led him out of the hospital wing. "I'll explain while we search the grounds around the castle," she told Dumbledore. As she was walking away, McGonagall looked back over at her shoulder at Hermione. "I'll leave searching the Forbidden Forest in the capable hands of the PPBC crew," she said, letting slip that she had been one of the ones listening in on the pirate broadcast.

****Unexpected Animagus****

Harry Potter slowly swam back to consciousness. The last thing he remembered was being skewered by the Hungarian Horntail's tail spike. The fact that he wasn't in any pain had him worried a bit. He had heard horror stories from Ron about Quidditch players who had broken their spines and how they lost all feeling. Keeping his eyes closed for the moment, Harry ran through a list of body parts, flexing that part as he got to it to make sure everything was working. Hands and fingers, check, he thought to himself as he moved. Feet and legs, yep, they move. Harry then stretched and rolled his shoulder blades. He unfolded his wings and swished his tail, letting him know that everything was in working order. It was when he finally comprehended the last two checks that Harry suddenly opened his eyes. He glanced down at his hands and saw that he now had only three fingers and an opposable thumb. Each digit ended in a long, black talon. Instead of skin, his hands were covered in glittering, red scales.

Harry craned his very long neck around and looked at the rest of his body. Instead of his usual undernourished, teenage boy body that he was used to, he saw the lean, muscular looking form of a rather large dragon. His body was covered in the same iridescent red scales as his hands. Harry looked closer at his wings and instead of the leathery, bat-like wings he was expecting, he saw they had gold and red feathers much like Fawkes had.

A twig snapped startling Harry. Without thinking, he swung his head around and let out a huge blast of flame in the direction the noise came from. Harry had a brief glimpse of something that looked like a rabbit with a bent horn on the top of its head before it was engulfed in flames. When the fire died down, all that was left was the poor creatures charred bones, complete with horn. Harry dropped his head down to the ground and covered his snout with his hands to keep himself from incinerating anything else. He closed his eyes and wished really hard that he would wake up. He kept his eyes closed when he heard footsteps approaching. Using just his senses of hearing and smell, Harry tracked the person as they walked calmly towards him. When the person was just a couple of meters away, they finally spoke.

"Hello, Harry Potter," Luna said in her usual dreamy, cheerful tone. "What are you doing out here?" she asked him.

Since Luna obviously recognized him, Harry figured his wishing must have worked like the time he wished the glass wall separating Dudley from the huge snake at the zoo would disappear. Opening his eyes, Harry saw that Luna looked a lot smaller than he remembered. He sighed loudly, some black smoke curling out of the side of his mouth in frustration when he realized he was still a dragon-like thing. Harry swung his head towards Luna and asked, "**.:How do know who I am?:.**"

Luna shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. "Sorry, Harry Potter, but I don't know what you're saying. I don't speak 'Rawr-rawr'," she told him. Luna closed the distance between them so she could reach out and touch his huge head. "However, if by chance you are asking how I know this is you and not just some other Elder Dragon, you still have your scar," she told him and placed a small, gentle hand on the famous lightning bolt scar that was just below a set of curved horns. The scales of his scar were a dull white instead of red. Luna rubbed the scales between his horns and then stepped back so she could look around the clearing. He crossed his eyes in an effort to see his own forehead, managing only to make himself dizzy.

"While you've been sitting here, you haven't happened to see a crumpled horned snorlack around by any chance, have you?" she inquired sweetly. Harry cocked his head to the side in an effort to tell Luna that he had no idea what she was talking about. "They are supposed to look like bunnies with a cute little horn on the top of their head. Father and I have been looking for one ever since I can remember," she told him. Being very careful not to look at the charred remains from earlier and keeping his body between Luna and the blackened area of the clearing, Harry used his tail to sweep dirt and twigs over the incriminating evidence.

After a moment, Luna snapped her fingers. "I just remembered, Harry Potter. Your friends, Prof. Lupin, and a big black dog, that looks like a grim but isn't, were looking for you," she exclaimed. "I should probably tell them that I've found you," she said absently. Looking Harry directly in the eyes, she pointed down at the ground with a firm gesture. "Stay!" she told the Elder Dragon.

After what seemed like an eternity, Harry heard the sounds of several people hurrying through the forest. Before they broke through the underbrush and came into sight of the clearing, Harry heard Remus ask Luna, "Are you certain that Harry is this way?" The group broke through the foliage and stopped suddenly at the site of the large, strange looking dragon.

"Yes, Professor Lupin, I'm sure," Luna replied. She looked over at the dragon. "Hello again, Harry Potter," she said cheerfully. Harry raised his right hand and waved it in greeting.

"Harry!" Hermione yelled and dashed towards him. She threw her arms around his scaly neck and sobbed in relief that he was alive. Harry lowered his head a bit and rubbed his snout against Hermione's side. His new enhanced sense of smell picked up all of the subtle different things that made up Hermione's scent. That scent calmed him more than he thought was possible. Hermione let go of Harry's neck and stepped back so she could look him in the eyes. "Don't ever go and do something like that again! You scared me to death!" she scolded him.

Harry lifted his head towards the sky and laughed in joy at how so like his Hermione that scolding was. A small gout of flame escaped as he laughed causing Harry to snap his jaws shut and put one taloned hand over his snout in embarrassment. Harry lowered his head so Hermione could see him and he rolled his eyes dramatically at her.

Hermione swatted the scaly neck of her boyfriend playfully. "You prat!" she chided and then laughed in relief herself. When Hermione brought herself back under control, she placed a hand on either side of Harry's snout. "I am very glad that you are alive, and being able to turn into a dragon is really neat and all, but it is time for you to change back into the old Harry so I can kiss you again," she said. Wanting very much to kiss Hermione again, Harry closed his eyes tight and thought very hard about being human again. When nothing happened, he let his head drop to the ground with a loud thud.

Hermione spun around to look at Padfoot. "Why can't he change back?" she begged.

Luna watched as the black grim shifted form and changed into a man with black hair. He figured if Luna was a friend of Harry, she would keep his secrets. "I'm not sure, Hermione. This is far beyond anything I have ever dealt with. To be honest, I've never even heard of an animagus being anything other than a mammal, let alone a dragon," he told her. "When I first changed, I ran around a while enjoying my new form..."

"***cough*** Licking your balls ***cough***," Remus interrupted.

Sirius gave his shoulders a nonchalant shrug and went on. "Like I was saying, when I was done, all I had to do was think about changing and I was back in my human form," he said.

"I wonder..." Remus said absently.

"Yes, I do have more sex than you," Sirius shot back at his old friend.

"With yourself doesn't count," Remus said, giving the reply he had always given Sirius during their school years. "Remember when I said it looked like Harry's magic was trying to assimilate another type?" he asked rhetorically. "I wonder if it was draconic magic he was assimilating and the differences between his reptilian and mammalian natures is causing the problem," he pondered.

Hermione thought for a moment. "What you're saying is we have to trigger Harry's mammalian nature to let him transform back into a human," she paraphrased.

"Yes, precisely," Remus agreed.

Hermione set her shoulders in determination. "Right then! If you're a male, I would appreciate it if you would turn around and look somewhere else," she ordered. It really didn't bother her if Luna saw what she was about to do.

"Why?"the twins asked as Remus and Sirius turned around.

"Just do it!" Hermione yelled with enough force to make the twins turn around in fear. Hermione looked into Harry's eyes and she blushed a bit. After taking a deep breath, Hermione reached down and grabbed the hem of her shirt. With a quick pull she lifted her shirt up. On the way up, she hooked her bra with her thumbs and exposed her pert breasts to her boyfriend.

The sight of Hermione's perfect breasts triggered the response she was looking for. _Heh..heh, boobies!_ the mammalian part of Harry's mind chortled happily. His body dissolved into a red fog that coalesced into his human form, leaving a pale, naked Harry standing in the clearing.

Luna took a step closer in shock as she looked at Harry's naked form. Her already large eyes got even wider in surprise. "My goodness, Harry Potter! How do you manage to fly on a broom with that thing?" she asked in amazement.


End file.
